Judas' Kiss

Yesterday I stopped watching

And started searching.

Searching for the seed in a saint.

I observed the crooks in the garment

Draped around my surface.

Picking apart un-evened edges and crooked hems,

Untidy finishing and seamless patterns.

Yesterday I stopped walking and looked back.

Assessing a path that had been created,

Seemingly perfect journeys suddenly turned grim.

Betrayed by the rebellious choices of an intense desire

for shrewd compromises,

A feeling of frailty found me.

Thirty tarnished silvers tainted my palms.

I remain fretful by gruelling acts of persuasion.

But I lay awake,

Unable to accept the labels marked on my head,

Not tolerating the terror trailing towards me,

For the kisses bestowed upon me did not save me.

Instead, it scarred my innocence, and bruised my beliefs.

And so I will stay awake, embrace my presence and wait...

Mummy Dearest

Photo Credit: freemybrain.com

"Twinkle twinkle little star..."
my lips curl into a smile as a mother behind me
sings this soothing melody in an attempt to silence her wailing toddler.
"how I wonder what you are.."
I suddenly feel guilty about my annoyance at the sound
of mummy dearest's cries.
"up above the world so high..."
The wagon whiffs rapidly past the vibrant Shugborough meadows,
"like a diamond in the sky..."

embarrassed, I tuck my head in my novel.

"twinkle, twinkle, little star..."
The persistent parent chants louder,

hoping her petulant tot pipes down.

"how I wonder what you are!"
Oh, if only Mummy would wander up so high

and wish upon a twinkle star.

Penny For Your Thoughts.

... nickel for your kiss
Actually I take that back.
That is one feeling I could have done without.
After the fact of course.
But what good is it:
rearranging memories;
regretting happiness;
building sadness; and 
judging self?

Oh my ancestors were right,
when they advised that 
'had I known is always at last.'
But again,
what good is it:
persecuting souls;
anticipating closure; and
creating new endings?

All I needed that night, was a penny
for your insidious thoughts.
I could have done without that nickel though.

50 Shades of Grey

...And I succumbed.
I try and stay away from anything that is popular.
Especially with fashion.
But with literature, I often find myself intrigued by the well-known.
Not this time.
Well that was until my sister purchased this book.
(Two copies actually; since Tesco is currently doing a deal on this.)
I had just started a novel and decided to finish it,
but she cajoled me into starting 50 shades...
Admittedly, I like it so far.
I am four chapters deep but I appreciate the writers's captivating descriptions
of the characters.
I think a lot of people are interested in reading this book because of its popularity.
It's just faddish,
But there are also a lot of great authors out there with similar writing styles.

In the meantime, I will just get back to reading.

                                                                      Picture Credit: Abe Books

Edited To Add: Uhm...I really did not know what this book was about before I started reading. It became clear after chapter 4...

Marred by Milan!

“All travel has its advantages. If the passenger visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own. And if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy it.” – Samuel Johnson

Milan, Italy, Europe

I describe myself as a thrill-seeker. 
Although, I am not the most adventurous person, I love travelling.
I love seeing the world and not just for sunny beaches and tropical cocktails. 
My recent trip to Milan was an eye-opener for me. 
As a young woman, who has lived in two continents and travelled to several countries,
I am aware of the [racial] prejudice that exists in the world.
It is not something I ever deal with but I am not oblivious to it.
I see myself as woman first and being  recognised as a woman, [a person] is more important to me.

Stepping out of the aircraft, with my body strangled with scarves, jewellery and heavy totes, I smiled at the change of scenery. The warmth of a beautiful city welcomed us. And we were happy. 
We were unaware this warmth would soon turn into cold. 
As we made our way into the city, where our hotel was located, we noticed the eyes fixated on us but did not think much of it. Apparently people had not mastered the art of discretion. 
We were pleased to find our hotel safely, where we rested and sorted out our itinerary for the next couple of days with the help of the hotel staff.
During the course of our trip, we noticed the "attention" we were receiving by way of stares.
This was especially prevalent on the underground/metro/subway. It was almost a mixture of fascination and displeasure.
We did not care because we wanted to take in the culture of Milan. 
However, it was when we heard "negrita" uttered by a couple of men (on separate occasions) that we truly began to take in what was happening. We still did not care. We would later find out that "negrita" is supposed to be a "term of endearment" which means "sexy black woman" or "my little black lady".
We met some very friendly people and some...not-so-friendly people as you do in every city.

The next day, we took the ferry from Como to Bellagio. It was absolutely beautiful. The sun shone brightly on the blue green wavering waters. Every town we passed possessed a unique beauty.
We were excited about the shopping in Bellagio, as you can imagine any young woman would be. 
Whilst in Bellagio, shop assistants would often watch us attentively with a stern look. In one particular shop, one of the shop assistants told her co-worker "they are from Africa" without caring whether we heard it or not. Like I stated before, it seems discretion is foreign to many.
We carried on to the other shops and returned to the ferry (as we could only stay in Bellagio for 40 minutes).
We sat in the middle on the upper deck of the ferry on our way back to Como. Wrong move. I don't believe I should corner myself or hide myself because of the opinions of others but at this point, we were just over it. The stares were intense. Perhaps this was due to the fact that this group of passengers were older but it was very uncomfortable, admittedly, as was this trip.

In the beginning of this blog, I expressed that racism is not something I deal with. Well, I do not assume someone is staring at me simply because I am black but I know what hostility feels like. Generally, Milan, although warm in terms of temperature, was cold by virtue of the citizens. We still had fun and visited the various monuments and museums. I am very happy I went because I believe travelling is education.

Of Milk and Honey

He emerged into an ambience of hostility,
Struggling through cunning cords into cool air.
With a tenacious mind and a lion heart,
He will pursue silver spoons on golden pavements.
Bulgy backpacks and squalid sandals,
He will trot tirelessly to many tortuous territories,
where tongues battle but hands unite.
The belief that man must chew his legs off to escape
will cause him to
crawl on his hollow stomach;
jump through stern ropes; and
fly fearlessly which feeble flappers.
Hanger shall never be a lynch,
for his diligence knows no bounds.
Of milk and honey, the land of which his feet will locate,
and the produce of that fertile land will overflow with nectar.
O' milk and honey, an elusive dream shared by his forefathers.
His squalid sandals must rest on such land.

"Beyond Reasonable Doubt..."

I seek precision in everything I invest my emotions in.
I have learnt that presumptions can always be rebutted
There are two things I try not to do:

->overestimate my importance in someone's life
->assume someone [of the opposite sex] is interested in me

I admit that I have a sense of entitlement where my loved ones are concerned,
but at least I know where I stand with them.
I believe a lot of people get hurt  [in intimate relationships] because they ignore
the patent signs in the beginning of the dating stage.
"I don't know whether he likes me..."
If I hear that sentence uttered one more time...
A woman must never ask that knife-edged question "so what are we?"
NEVER.

The lack of uncertainty I have witnessed some of my mates experience has often
left them in turbulence moods.
I can't deal.
Stop reading into invisible signs that he's interested. If it's latent, it is not there.
In my opinion, true emotions cannot be hidden. If it is not uttered,
it will be shown beyond reasonable doubt.
That way, you won't need to present me with your doubts and queries.